Mutual Masturbation: Why Couples Love It and How to Try It

Mutual masturbation: why it is great for couples and how to try it

Mutual masturbation means partners pleasuring themselves, or each other with their hands, at the same time. For some couples it sounds intimidating; for others it is a regular, much-loved part of their sex life. Either way, it is one of the most underrated ways to build intimacy, learn about each other's bodies and add variety without any pressure.

Here is why mutual masturbation is worth trying, the different ways to do it, and how to bring it up if you have never tried it before.

Why couples love mutual masturbation

You learn exactly what your partner likes

Watching your partner touch themselves is a masterclass in their pleasure. You see the rhythm, pressure and areas they prefer, things they might find hard to explain in words. Many people say they became far better lovers after simply watching.

It takes the pressure off

There is no performance, no worry about lasting long enough or "getting it right". Each person is responsible for their own pleasure, which lets both partners relax. It is also a great option when one partner is tired, sore or not up for penetration.

It builds intimacy and trust

Letting someone see you in a moment of pleasure is deeply vulnerable. That openness often brings couples closer, emotionally as well as sexually.

It is very safe sex

Mutual masturbation without genital-to-genital contact carries a very low risk of pregnancy and STIs, which makes it a good option for new partners or while waiting for test results. Avoid transferring fluids from one person's genitals to the other's.

It helps with orgasm

Many women find it easier to orgasm through their own touch. Including self-touch in partnered sex can make orgasm more likely and show partners that it is normal and welcome.

Different ways to do it

• Side by side. Lie next to each other and pleasure yourselves, touching, kissing and watching.
• Face to face. Sit opposite each other on the bed for maximum eye contact.
• Hands on each other. Each partner touches the other at the same time.
• Guided touch. Place your hand over your partner's hand and show them the movements you like.
• Taking turns. One partner watches while the other pleasures themselves, then swap.
• With toys. Vibrators and strokers add variety.
• At a distance. In long-distance relationships, on a video call, with trust and privacy agreed.

How to bring it up

If you have never tried it, a relaxed conversation outside the bedroom is the easiest way in. Some phrases that work:

• "I'd love to see how you touch yourself. Would you be into that?"
• "I read about mutual masturbation and it sounded hot. Want to try?"
• "It would help me learn what you love most."

Respect your partner's reaction. Some people need time to feel comfortable; others will be excited straight away.

How to make your first time comfortable

1. Set the mood. Dim lights, a warm room and no rush.
2. Start with kissing and touching before any self-touch, so it feels connected.
3. Use lube. It makes everything smoother and more pleasurable.
4. Talk or moan. Sound and words help you both feel less self-conscious.
5. Laugh if it feels awkward. It probably will a little, and that is part of it.
6. Talk afterwards. What did you enjoy? What did you learn?

Overcoming shyness

Many people feel embarrassed about being watched. That is completely normal. Start in low light or under the covers, keep eyes closed if that helps, or begin with guided touch rather than solo touch. Shyness usually fades as you see how much your partner enjoys it.

It also helps to remember that masturbation is a normal, healthy part of sexuality for people of all genders, whether single or in relationships. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

The bottom line

Mutual masturbation is intimate, safe, educational and fun. It shows you exactly what your partner enjoys, takes the pressure off performance and can make orgasms easier for both of you. Start slowly, talk openly and enjoy discovering each other.

Want to learn more about your own pleasure first? Our female orgasm course and course on hand techniques for him go step by step. Not sure where to start? Take the free 2-minute Pleasure Quiz.

Mutual masturbation for long-distance couples

For couples living apart, mutual masturbation on a video call can keep physical intimacy alive between visits. A few tips: agree on privacy and that nothing is recorded or screenshotted without consent, use a secure app, start with talking and flirting before anything explicit, and treat it with the same care as being together in person. Many couples find it builds anticipation and makes reunions more exciting.

Making it part of your sex life

Mutual masturbation is not only for beginners or "instead of" sex. Many couples use it as foreplay, as a finish when one partner has already climaxed, or on evenings when penetration does not appeal. It is also a simple way to teach a new partner exactly what you like.

Frequently asked questions

Is mutual masturbation safe sex?
It is very low risk for pregnancy and STIs, as long as genital fluids are not transferred between partners.

Is it normal to masturbate in a relationship?
Yes. Masturbation is a normal, healthy part of sexuality for people in and out of relationships.

How do I ask my partner to try it?
Bring it up in a relaxed moment outside the bedroom, explain why it excites you, and respect their answer.

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